CHREMATISTOPHILIA
For most people, getting robbed is an emasculating nightmare, but chrematistophiles love it. Unsurprisingly it is classed as a mental disorder alongside other sexual dysfunctions including hybristophilia (getting aroused by people who commit dangerous crimes) and autassassinophilia (getting aroused by being close to death).
The most famous case in history was Ronald W. Keyes, who wrote an autobiography The Armed Robbery Orgasm in the 90s. Though he actually committed robberies, he classifies as a chrematistophile because he was forced to do it by his girlfriend who would hold a gun to his head and threaten to kill him if he didn’t. He committed 20 armed robberies over a six-week period, and would have an erection from the point he set out to do the heist, ejaculating several times during the robbery. When he returned, they would spend hours reliving the robbery in bed. When he eventually tried to call off the relationship, she turned him in to the police. The courts rejected his plea of insanity, and he was sentenced to several ten-year sentences.
He was your bog standard masochist, who got his first hard-on while being spanked by his mother, and would thenceforth spank himself whenever he masturbated. His girlfriend had been a stripper he met at a bar, who looked like his mum and was happy to administer whatever brand of abuse took his fancy.True chrematistophiles only get turned on by some element of forced financial exchange. For example, one middle-aged man had been impotent his whole life until one day he was mugged on his way home from work, stabbed and promptly ejaculated all over the mugger. From then on, he would finger his scar and relive the moment while jerking off. The next stage is purposefully seeking out men to take advantage of you, like one male case study in his 20s who would pick up men in dodgy bars, ask them to tie him up and goad them into beating and robbing him. On any lucky occasions, he found himself threatened at gunpoint and abandoned naked with a boner and a grin. Chrematistophilia also includes compulsive prostitutes, which is when women who do it for kicks rather than cash. In a 1991 case study on Kaspar Hauser Dwarfism Syndrome (someone who is physically and intellectually stunted from abuse and neglect), John Money refers to a 4ft 11in girl in her mid 20s who had several clients a night, but fantasised about servicing dozens. She was also a masochist and could cum through a good slap in the face. She felt that she should be paying the men, especially those who honoured her request to slap her. Talking about one trick, who pulled a knife on her, she commented, “He said, ‘Shut up, bitch’. He told me to take off all my clothes. So I took them off, and started having sex with him… He slapped me across the face, and that got me extremely aroused, sexually excited. So he told me to get out, and he threw my clothes out of the car.” While there are not many cases of chrematistophilia throughout history – the term was only coined in the 80s – you’re always sure to find a few examples in the Marquis de Sade’s guidebooks to perversion. In Juliette, his character Dorval enjoys watching robberies, then having sex with its perpetrators. He says, “I get my jollies watching the act of theft being carried out concurrently with the act of coitus… Theft is the greatest erotic stimulant in the entire world. Just the thought of it has charged up my motor once again.” Of course, if you’re into it, there are billion of of websites offering webcam blackmail for a small fee. Women on Skype will shout at you until you unwillingly part with your money, you moron.
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